goddess of clarity: a blog about politics, culture, and serenity

Archive: February 27 - March 13, 2005

March 10, 2005 — 18:02 EST

Why is it that hairdressers continue blow-drying your hair loooooong after it's dry? I mean, call me utilitarian, but when my hair is wet, I blow dry it until it is no longer wet. Then I stop. Mission accomplished.

But for the girl who cut my hair yesterday, apparently my hair could never be dry enough. I was left sitting in the chair thinking, "OK, lady. You've already spent five times as much time on my head as I'm ever likely to spend. Could we wrap this us tonight, please?"

To make matters worse, whenever I get may hair cut I can't actually see what's going on since I have to take my glasses off. After the third application of some unnamed hair care product and another ten minutes under the heat wand, all I can see in the mirror is that the reddish-brown blob I assume is my head is getting rounder and rounder and bigger and bigger. Poofy even.

Plus it's a lot shorter than what I had intended. I go to the same salon on Park Ave. everytime I get my hair cut, but I don't see the same stylist unless it's a coincidence. I just go with whoever has a slot open. And I always ask for the same thing: chin-length bob, no layers, no bangs. Yet somehow I manage to get something a little different each time. This lady must have thought my chin was a bit higher than I'd previously believed.

I don't tend to worry too much when I leave the salon though. This is because I know that my hair is only going to look like this for one day. As soon as I wash it, it will be back to what I consider normal, since there is no way I could replicate the end result achieved in the salon chair. This is sometimes sad, since I occasionally really like the way a hair stylist does my hair. Usually, however, this comes as a relief.

I don't know what they expect from us really, these hair stylists. I mean, this woman is a trained professional. This is her job. What hope do I have in achieving the same effect? Furthermore, why should I be expected to? I don't expect her to design a Web site before she goes to work in the morning; why is it assumed that I have either the skill or the inclination to wield volumizers, round brushes, and countless designer products in the vain hope of realizing that elusive "salon look?"

But I doth protest too much. I do like my hair cut, especially now that I've washed the poofiness out of it. I didn't even bother to blow dry it. It just dries on its own if you leave it long enough, so why bother?

I think I'm probably too lazy for beauty.

March 6, 2005 — 22:40 EST

Happy Birthday, Mr. Goddess!

March 4, 2005 — 9:08 EST

As of 8 o'clock this morning, it is officially not snowing. This is rather momentous, since it has been snowing pretty much non-stop since Monday morning. When you add it all up, we've gotten about two feet of snow in Rochester in the past week, with a little more expected for this weekend.

But don't take my word for it; see for yourself.

Those shots from the university webcam sum up the week rather well. It's been a week of trudging, bundling, scraping, unbundling. This wouldn't be so terrible except that we got a few teasing glimpses of spring in late February, when the temperature actually made it into the 50s. But March more or less slammed the door shut on that little fantasy with a firm, "Not so fast!" and Rochesterians quickly reverted back to our routine of scarves, boots, and snow shovels.

I actually do like winter, though sometimes it might not sound like it. I think people who live in parts of the country that experience real winter weather are altogether more sensible than people who don't. You have to think ahead when dealing with winter. You can just run out of the house at the last minute in a tank top and flip-flops. Concessions must be made. Travel plans revised. Extra time factored in. Winter demands strategic thinking, contingency plans, forethought. And those who suffer under its demands are, in the end, all the better for it.

That said, I am looking forward to the first signs of a Rochester spring. There are daffodils and robins, sure. But the most telling sign of spring in Rochester in when the restaurants along Park Ave. put their tables and chairs back out on the sidewalks. There is such a rush to finally put winter behind us, that the first reasonable break in the weather finds locals sitting outside Cibon or the Frog Pond, holding their cups of coffee in their mittened hands. In the spring a young man's fancy may turn to thoughts of love. In Rochester, it turns to thoughts of cheese omelets eaten al fresco.

—lori.

February 28, 2005 — 12:05 EST

I've seen all the films nominated for Best Picture and most of the films nominated in the major categories (the main exception is Hotel Rwanda, which I still haven't seen). So I think I'm thoroughly prepped for this evening's festivities. Once again, allow me to introduce...

The Goddess Watches the Academy Awards (So You Don't Have to)

7:15 – So I’m sitting here watching the arrivals show on E!, and I’m thinking to myself, “If only there was a way to see what the stars are wearing without having to listen to Kathy Griffith’s and Star Jones’ unbelievably annoying ‘interviews’ with these people.” And then I thought, “Well, duh! This sounds like a job for the mute button!”

7:17 – With silence restored, I wonder why Hillary Swank decided to attend the Oscars wrapped in black guaze?

7:24 – Orlando Bloom sighting! Orlando Bloom sighting! Mmmmmmmmm…. Yummy with a spoon.

7:30 – Oh my gosh, a Paul Giamatti sighting. What a brave little toaster! Maybe he figures since he’s seen all the other Jamie Foxx acceptance speeches this year he might as well complete the set.

7:38 – Johnny Depp sighting! Johnny Depp sighting! My. Doesn’t he look … baroque … tonight.

7:44 – OK, I’ve spotted a dress I like. Kate Winslet was just literally drug over to Star Jones' post on the red carpet (those publicists can be so insistent), and she looks very nice. She would get my top rating on the E! Fashion Police poll so far, if I were participating in such a thing. Oooh, now it’s Cate Blanchett’s turn. I think she’s taking “creamy white skin” to unheard of heights. Honestly, how does she not just burst into flame in the L.A. sun?

7:51 – Wow, Oprah’s looking pretty good. Maybe I need to buy Bob Greene’s new book. Star Jones meanwhile has one of her earrings tangled up in her prom hair.

8:00 – OK, it’s 8:00 and it looks like everyone is still outside. I’ve always wondered how this is supposed to work. The best supporting actress nominees must have to arrive early to make sure they make it inside for the first award.

8:01 – OK, I’ve just switched over from E! to ABC for what I thought was to be the start of the Oscar ceremony and instead I’m confronted with a screaming Billy Bush and something called the Oscar Countdown. What the fuck!

8:02 – OK, after one minute of Billy Bush, I take back everything I said about Star Jones. This guy must be the most annoying man on the planet. Thank god for mute buttons.

8:16 – Orlando Bloom sighting! Orlando Bloom sighting! And Chris Connelley just totally cut him off!! Bastard.

8:32 – And we’re under way! “Welcome to the 77th Academy Awards. Brought to you by Pepsi. It’s the cola.” You know, cola? That brown, carbinated beverage that tastes like chemicals? Yeah, that’s is.

Chris Rock is hosting of course. He’s got a difficult dance to do tonight. He has a movie coming out soon; he can’t afford to offend Hollywood insiders and Academy voters. But at the same time, he has to be just outrageous enough so they can associate themselves with him and congratulate themselves on being so hip and irreverant. But not too irreverant. Tricky.

Well, he’s starting off good. He gets a standing “O” before he ever says a word and they clap even louder when he tells them to “Sit your asses down!”

There’s some funny stuff here! “If you want Tom Cruise and you can only get Jude Law, wait. … If you want Russell Crowe and you can only get Colin Farrell, wait. … If want Denzel and all you can get is me, wait!”

8:45 – First award of the night (and by the way, I assume Rock is kidding about Catwoman II) is for art direction and is presented by Halle Berry. Oh, this is that new thing they’re doing. All the “lesser” nominees have to stand on the stage together, sort of like a dodgeball game, as they silently scream to themselves, “Oooo, pick me! Pick me!” That is so lame. What happens to the losers? Do they just stand there grinning stupidly, or do they get shepherded off the stage like the film industry footnotes they’ve just become?

Mr. Goddess and I both picked The Aviator. And it’s The Aviator. Uh oh, a non-native English speaking winner. He’s gonna get played off.

8:50 – Renee Zellweger is barely able to walk to the mike in her fish-tail dress to present the award for best supporting actor. Mr. Goddess and I have split the vote here; he went for Thomas Haden Church and I picked Morgan Freeman. And the winner is Morgan Freeman! Wow, two really short speeches so far.

8:54 – Oh. My. God. If Kirk Russell isn’t dead yet, that Pepsi Spartacus ad should finish him off.

8:56 – Oh, crap. Robin Williams. I’m sure he’ll use up all the time they saved by not having the art directors walk to the stage. Ostensibly he’s here to present the award for animated feature. The winner is The Incredibles, a no-brainer; Mr. Goddess and I both had this one.

9:02 – Chris Rock introduces Cate Blanchett (jokes Rock, “She was so convincing as Katherine Hepburn, Sidney Poitier went to her house for dinner.”) Why is she out in the audience and not up on stage? Wait a minute, is she just standing next to the nominees for best make-up out there in the audience? What is she going to do, just hand the award to the winner out there in the crowd? Oh my god, she is! That sucks! Why shouldn’t they get a chance to walk up on stage for their big moment? How unbelievably lame. Anyway, Lemony Snicket won. Mr. Goddess gets this one; I’d picked Passion of the Christ.

9:05 – Beyonce is out to perform the first of the nominees for original song, this one from the French film Les Choristes.

9:13 – Rock goes down to the Magic Johnson theater in South L.A., to see if the Academy really is out of touch with the real America. Nobody has seen Sideways or Million Dollar Baby, but everyone loves White Chicks. If this is the “real America,” what America have I been living in?

9:15 – Scarlett Johansson is up on the balcony to talk about the science and technology awards that were presented at a dinner earlier this week. These are the guys that invent the cameras and cranes and what not. At least they get a dinner; I think they used to be relegated to a lunch.

9:18 – A laryngitic Pierce Brosnan is on to present the award for costume design, with the animated Edna Mode from The Incredibles. And the winner is The Aviator. The winning designer looks really good. I guess she’d have to.

9:21 – “When this next presenter is not dazzling us with his acting, he’s boring us to death with his politics. Tim Robbins.” He’s out to present the award for best supporting actress. Mr. Goddess and I both have Cate Blanchett. And the winner is Cate Blanchett!

9:28 – Rock introduces a tribute to Johnny Carson, who hosted the awards many, many times. This is all very nice, but this is the kind of stuff that they should really cut if they are trying to speed up the show, instead of having the poor make-up people accept their awards from their seats.

9:31 – Leonardo diCaprio steps out to present the award for best documentary feature. And they got them all out on the stage as well! Jeez, did they even let the directors of the documentary shorts into the building, or are they just going to hand them their awards out in the parking lot? The winner is Born into Brothels, which Mr. Goddess and I both picked. I’ve only seen Supersize Me, which I really liked, but I went with the "misery" rule of documentary award-picking.

9:34 – Yeah, it’s Legolas again! My favorite elf and Kirsten Dunst are out to present the award for film editing. Will these guys get to walk up onto the stage like real people? Apparently so. The winner is The Aviator. One more for me; Mr. Goddess had picked Million Dollar Baby.

9:37 – Out comes “the adorable” Mike Meyers to introduce “the weird looking” Counting Crows to perform their Oscar-nominated song "Accidentally in Love."

9:44 – OK, who invited Adam Sandler? He’s out to present the award for best adapted screenplay. Mr. Goddess and I both have Sideways for this one. And the winner is Sideways!

9:48 – Jake Gyllenhaal and Ziyi Zhang are out to present the award for visual effects. They’re standing in front of a weird tableau of tuxedoed computer programmers. Mr. Goddess and I both have Spider-Man 2. And the winner is Spider-Man 2! So far, this year’s been easier than expected, prediction-wise.

9:52 – The president of the Academy graces the stage of this “tabernacle of talent” (?) to salute the troops for the second time and introduce Al Pacino. Now, certainly that’s the kind of stuff that should be cut.

9:53 – Pacino introduces the Sidney Lumet montage in advance of his honorary Oscar. His intro is actually kinda sweet.

10:00 – Lumet gives a fantastic speech, thanking all those he worked with and all those who inspired him and his family who stand by him. It all took about two minutes, and he didn’t mention any agents, lawyers, publicists, managers, stylists, assistants, etc. Hope you were taking notes, Ms. Swank.

10:06 – Emily Rossum takes the stage to introduce the song "Learn to Be Lonely," performed again by Beyonce. In yet another outfit. And more diamonds than in all the New England Patriots’ Superbowl rings combined.

10:12 – Jeremy Irons is out in the audience again to present the award for live action short. It goes to Wasp, and the winning director describes the award as the “dog’s bollocks.” That’s a good thing.

10:14 – Now Laura Linney is out amongst the great unwashed to present the award for animated short. The winner is Ryan, and its director is not even seated in an aisle seat and has to climb over some of the losers to claim his award. Classy.

10:16 – Kate Winslet is out to present the award for cinematography. Mr. Goddess and I split on this one; he went with House of Flying Daggers and I went with The Aviator. And the winner is The Aviator! Yeah!

10:23 – Selma Hayak and Penelope Cruz give the sound mixer geeks palpitations as they share the stage to announce the nominees. And the winner is the team from Ray. Mr. Goddess and I both lost on that one; we both had The Aviator.

10:26 – Hayak and Cruz make sound editing sound really, really sexy. The winner here is The Incredibles. Damn, we both had Spider-Man 2. One of the two winners in this category explains that awards for sound, visual effects, etc, are often referred to as “technical awards.” “They are not technical awards, they are given for creative decisions.” You go, sound man! Maybe next year, they'll let you sit in your seats while the nominees are announced.

10:30 – Hayak stays on stage to introduce the fourth nominee for best song, and, she informs us, the first Spanish song ever nominated. It’s performed by Antonio Bandaras and Carlos Santana. Man, what’s Bandaras been up to lately? Haven’t seen him in a movie for a while.

10:37 – Natalie Portman is up next to present the award for best documentary short. Mr. Goddess and I both had Autism is a World, again using the misery rule of documentary awards. And the winner is The Children’s March. I should have known. In the absense of a Holocaust film this year, the Civil Rights Movement trumps the misery rule. And we get our first orchestra play-off of the night. Rock says next year they’ll be giving awards in the parking lot. "We can have an Oscar drive-thru lane. Grab your Oscar and a McFlurry and keep it moving!"

10:41 – John Travolta is out next to present the award for best original score. And the winner is Finding Neverland, which Mr. Goddess and I both picked.

10:44 – Martin Scorsese is out to present the Herscholt Humanitarian Award to Roger Mayer for his work in film preservation and for running the Motion Picture and Television Fund for people in the industry with no health insurance. And hey! The Eastman House gets a mention for its work in film preservation! Rochester in the hizzouse!

10:49 – Annette Benning introduces Yo Yo Ma, who accompanies the annual death reel. So who do we think wins the applause meter tonight? I think it’s gonna be a toss up between Marlon Brando and Christopher Reeve. And it’s Marlon Brando, hands down.

10:58 – OK, now who invited P. Diddy? He’s out to present the last of the original song nominees, "Believe" from Polar Express. Again, sung by Beyonce (in another outfit), this time with Josh Groban. Oh my god, this song sucks.

11:02 – Academy Award winner Prince (boy that must grate on Martin Scorsese’s ears) is out to present the winner for best original song. And the winner is "Al Otro Lado Del Rio" from Motorcycle Diaries. Wow, the sappiest song didn't win. Way to go, Academy voters! He sings a chorus from his song as his acceptance speech and says "Ciao." Pretty classy.

11:05 – Sean Penn truly has no sense of humor; he feels he has to correct Chris Rock’s earlier jokes about Jude Law. “Actually, he’s one of our finest actors.” Please, get over yourself, Sean. On to the business at hand, the award for best actress. And the winner is Hillary Swank, who Mr. Goddess and I both picked. She starts off good. Thanks Chad. Thanks Clint. Thanks her trainers. Thanks Morgan Freeman. Thanks the rest of the crew. Uh oh. Now she's stared listing people. Including her lawyers. The orchestra tries to play her off, but she continues to scream her publicist's name. Good lord. She just doesn’t learn does she?

11:15 – Gwyneth Paltrow is out to present the award for best foreign language film. And the winner is "The Sea Inside," which Mr. Goddess and I both picked.

11:18 – Samual L. Jackson comes out to present the award for best original screenplay. And the winner is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! Yeah! I really, really wanted this one to win. Poor Charlie Kaufmann looks scared up there on stage. Maybe that’s why be became a writer, cuz the stage is scary.

11:19 – Charlize Theron is introduced next to present best actor. Get ready for the Jamie Foxx show! Bet they don’t play him off. And the winner is Jamie Foxx. He goes off the rails a bit with listing people, but he brings it back to his daughter and his grandmother and ends up giving a really heartfelt speech.

11:34 – Julia Roberts and her breasts are out to present best director. And the Oscar goes to Clint Eastwood, and he gets a standing “O.” Man, they sure do love him in Hollywood. And his mom’s there, too! She’s 96. Guess Clint's gonna be around for awhile.

11:38 – Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand are out next to present the winner for best picture. And the winner is Million Dollar Baby! And the winner in our living room is … me, with a total of 19 right to Mr. Goddess’ 17.

—lori.