goddess of clarity: a blog about politics, culture, and serenity
Archive: January 16 - January 31, 2007
January 30, 2007 —19:55 EST
Three Haikus*: Windows Vista
Fire up my PC.
“You have critical updates.”
I just want my mail!
Media, graphics
As shiny as an apple
But will Mom upgrade?
Once known as Longhorn
Can Blackcomb be far behind?
Check back in five years
* What is the plural of haiku? One haiku, multiple haikus? Haikues? Haikui?
—lori.
January 25, 2007 —21:55 EST
It's a Fact! It's a Toid! It's a Factoid!
Today is the 60th anniversary of the death of Al Capone. To mark the occasion, here are some photos I took last Thanksgiving during a trip to Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia.
Capone spent a little over a year in Eastern State on a weapons charge. His private cell was pretty swanky, and was still furnished with his radio, desk, and chaise lounge.
Eastern State Penitentiary opened in 1829 and served as a prison until 1971. Except for adding a gift shop and a few signs for the tourists, the prison has not been changed at all since the seventies. It hasn't been preserved so much as abandoned. It's a creepy but cool-looking place, and it's been used as a location of lots of movies, like Twelve Monkeys. On the day we were there, a crew was filming TV promos for WWE Raw. The shoot was closed to the public, but throughout the prison you could hear the occasional bellowing, "On MONDAY NIGHT! I will SHOW! That no mere MAN! Can STOP ME! On WWE RAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!
—lori.
January 24, 2007 —00:08 EST
I had to stay late at work tonight to post the transcript for our university president's "State of the University" address to the Web, so I'm in a suitably cranky mood for tonight's State of the Union. (By the way, nobody else in the office seemed to think it was funny that that these two speeches were scheduled for the same night. I guess you have to know the University president, but I think it's hilarious.)
Before the festivities begin, a bit of context. Here are some of the greatest hits from the President's past State of the Union addresses.
First State of the Union, February 2001
"Our Nation also needs a clear strategy to confront the threats of the 21st century, threats that are more widespread and less certain. They range from terrorists who threaten with bombs to tyrants in rogue nations intent upon developing weapons of mass destruction. To protect our own people, our allies, and friends, we must develop and we must deploy effective missile defenses."
Yep, missile defense. Star Wars. That would have really come in handy these last six years, huh. Can you believe we were still talking about that nonsense?! This was back in the days when September 11th was just the day after September 10th.
Second State of the Union, January 2002
"We'll be deliberate; yet, time is not on our side. I will not wait on events while dangers gather. I will not stand by as peril draws closer and closer. The United States of America will not permit the world's most dangerous regimes to threaten us with the world's most destructive weapons."
This was the "axis of evil" speech. Given the choice between the "world's most dangerous regimes" -- North Korea, Iran, and Iraq -- we chose to invade the one that didn't actually possess nuclear weapons. Perhaps it was some sort of "reverse psychology" ploy.
Third State of the Union, January 2003
"Before September the 11th, many in the world believed that Saddam Hussein could be contained. But chemical agents, lethal viruses, and shadowy terrorist networks are not easily contained. Imagine those 19 hijackers with other weapons and other plans, this time armed by Saddam Hussein. It would take one vial, one canister, one crate slipped into this country to bring a day of horror like none we have ever known."
Three months before the invasion of Iraq would begin, the President had already slipped into full-on scary mode. This was just one of the many September 11-Saddam, sleight-of-hand connections that members of the administration would make during the run-up to the war, but it was a particularly sneaky one.
Fourth State of the Union, January 2004
"Some in this Chamber and in our country did not support the liberation of Iraq. Objections to war often come from principled motives, but let us be candid about the consequences of leaving Saddam Hussein in power. We're seeking all the facts. Already, the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons-of-mass-destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations."
This has to be my favorite. I think I nearly choked on my shiraz at that last bit.
Fifth State of the Union, January 2005
"The new political situation in Iraq opens a new phase of our work in that country. At the recommendation of our commanders on the ground, and in consultation with the Iraqi government, we will increasingly focus our efforts on helping prepare more capable Iraqi security forces - forces with skilled officers, and an effective command structure. As those forces become more self-reliant and take on greater security responsibilities, America and its coalition partners will increasingly be in a supporting role."
Sigh. It's starting to get sadly predictable, isn't it?
Sixth State of the Union, January 2006
"The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home. As we make progress on the ground and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels."
Um, yeah. See, what I meant was we would decrease our troop levels, by actually increasing the number of troops. That's what I was saying.
Anyway, the past is prologue. And here I sit, in front of a roaring fire with yet another glass of shiraz, which should improve the state of my mood if not the state of the union. Take it away, Mr. President.
The Goddess Watches the State of the Union (So You Don't Have To)
9:08 -- Madame Speaker, the President of the United States. Applause applause handshakes handshakes.
9:12 -- Members of Congress, the president of the United States. Applause applause standing ovation.
9:16 -- We open with the economy. Unemployment -- low. Inflation -- ditto. Wages -- rising. Everything's looking really good on the President's side of the street.
9:18 -- The president has three priorities for the economy. First, balance the federal budget. "We can do so without raising taxes." Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first smirk of the evening.
9:18 -- We cut the deficit in half three years ahead of schedule and we'll eliminate the deficit completely in five years. It sounds simple, but I suspect it is not.
9:19 -- Priority #2, earmarks. Let's expose all these pet projects to the light of day. Total standing "O" on that one.
9:20 -- And lastly, entitlements. Fix Medicare and Medicaid, save Social Security. Because that's a quickie we can sort out this year, I'm sure.
9:20 -- On to the schools, which for Bush translates to "No Child Left Behind." He plans to strengthen math and science skills. That's good. Maybe today's sixth graders can help me figure out what he said two minutes ago about the deficit.
9:22 -- Moving on to healthcare. The president sings the praises of private health insurance, and unveils a new proposal that seems to have something to do with tax deductions. wow, more math. I not sure he understands this plan, as he fumbles through all these numbers. $4,500 tax savings for a family of four making $65,000, blah blah blah. Next on the health care front, affordable choices grants, whatever those are. Also, health savings accounts. (wooooo!) Association health plans. (woooopee!) cost reduction with better information technology, (woooooohoooooo!) And the piece de resistance, medical liability reform! (WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!) They're doing the wave -- on the GOP side anyway.
9:26 -- Now it's immigration and Bush's guest worker program. We need to create a legal and orderly process so honest workers can come into the country without having to sneak in, and we can devote our energy to pursing criminals, drug smugglers, and terrorists. It's really weird when he starts making sense. It's almost random.
9:28 -- "Extending hope and opportunity depends on a stable supply of energy." (Who writes these segues?) Again with the energy independence. Diversify energy supply, lessen dependence on foreign oil, funding alternative fuels. And what's the first alternative energy out of the box? Clean coal! The dirtiest "alternative" fuel on the block.
9:30 -- Through plug-in and hybrid vehicles, biodiesel, and ethanol, we will reduce gasoline consumption by 20% in the next 10 years. Wow, that's pretty cool. Bush just had a little Ed Begley Jr. moment there. Wait a minute, what is going on with Cheney's face?! It's like he tried to laugh, smirk, and glower at the same time.
9:32 -- Wait, Bush mentioned global climate change! (Not warming, notice.) Does that mean it exists?!
9:33 -- Ooh, I sense activist judges and judicial nominations on the horizon. Gotta throw the base some red meat, I suppose. It is the custom at these affairs.
9:34 -- "We felt the sorrow that the terrorists can cause." "We know with certainty that the horrors of that September morning were just a glimpse of what the terrorists intend for us." "In the minds of the terrorists, this war began well before September 11th, and will not end until their radical vision is fulfilled." It appears we've moved into the terrorists' portion of the speech.
9:40 -- Wow, he still hasn't mentioned the word "Iraq." I am actually stunned. I'll have to check a transcript afterward.
9:41 -- Wait a minute, "...the Iraqi people..." 25 minutes in and we have our first mention of anything Iraqi.
9:43 -- "This is not the fight we entered in Iraq but it is the fight we're in." The ghost of Rumsfeld must be in the room. Sounds strangely like going to war with the Army you have, not the Army you wished you had at the time.
9:44 -- The new strategy involved "deploying reinforcements." The "surge" as morphed into "reinforcements" in the last couple of days. Everyone likes it when you "send in reinforcements." It sounds like an episode of F Troop.
9:46 -- "We did not drive al Qaeda out of their safe haven in Afghanistan only to let them set up a new safe haven in a free Iraq." Uh, actually, that's exactly what you did. Nice analysis, sir.
9:47 -- "If American forces step back before Baghdad is secure, the Iraqi government would be overrun by extremists on all sides. We could expect an epic battle between Shia extremists backed by Iran, and Sunni extremists aided by al Qaeda and supporters of the old regime. A contagion of violence could spill out across the country - and in time the entire region could be drawn into the conflict. For America, this is a nightmare scenario." Wow, we are totally fucked. Again, nice analysis sir.
9:48 -- "To allow this to happen would be to ignore the lessons of September 11th and invite tragedy." Jesus Christ, I can't take it anymore! We're not allowing this to happen. You caused this to happen!
9:49 -- Again he lumps in support with the troops with support with his surge policy in the same sentence. I'm starting to hit a despair spiral. God, I hate this man.
9:50 -- The president will be appointing a Special advisory council on the war on terror. Cool, another committee.
9:55 -- Moving on to North Korea. And Cuba, Belarus, and Burma. And Darfur (wow, global "climate change" and Darfur in the same speech).
9:57 -- Cut to Skutnik Row, and what has to be the strangest collection of heroes ever to grace the First Lady's box (that sounds dirtier than I intended). We have NBA star Dikembe Mutombo, the lady who invented the Baby Einstein videos, a guy who saved a man from who fell on the train tracks in New York, and an Iraq War veteran. Were the back-up quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts and the guy who saved his neighbor from an alligator attack booked for the evening?
10:02 -- "The state of our union is strong." Just got it in under the wire. Dubya, out!
—lori.
January 21, 2007 —202:21 EST
Unflattering Politician Photo of the Week
'In It To Win It' Edition
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton
With Clinton's step toward the 2008 campaign, there are now 20 candidates who have announced their intention to run for president. They are:
Democrats:
|
Republicans:
|
My early money is on a Vilsack/Tancredo race in 2008. You heard it here first.
—lori.
January 16, 2007 — 22:25 EST
I don't even know who the host is. I don't have a ballot printed out. I'm woefully unprepared. But still, with as much professionalism as I can muster ...
The Goddess Watches the Golden Globes (So You Don't Have To)
8:01 -- First out is George Clooney to present the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture. He rattles through the nominees pretty quickly; we're off to a fast start. "Pick one!" I yell to Mr. Goddess. "The first one!" I have no idea who that is, but I knew it would be Jennifer Hudson, even though I still haven't seen Dreamgirls. Pretty classy speech from the young American Idol. In the Goddess pool, I'm up one to nuthin'.
8:05 -- Next it's AlphaDog Justin Timberlake to present the award for Best Original Song. It looks like Prince in going after Elton John's career, penning sappy tunes for animated films. We both go for the Dreamgirls song and the winner is ... Prince, for his Happy Feet song. Prince is -- unsurprisingly -- a no-show, but Justin looks pretty surprised. He gets off a pretty funny height joke, accepting the award on Prince's behalf with the microphone at eyeball level, and then exits stage left, no doubt to go party with anyone but Cameron Diaz.
8:11 -- Entourage star Adrian Grenier is looking impossibly sexy in a velvet tux. He introduces Lorraine Nicholson, tonight's Miss Golden Globe. Is it possible that the 16-year-old is Jack Nicholson's ... daughter? Grenier is also doing award presentation duties, this time for Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Miniseries or TV Movie. I pick the Japanese guy from Heros (a series I chose not to check out, to my regret) and Mr. Goddess went with Entourage co-star. Jeremy Piven. And the winner is Jeremy ... Irons for the HBO miniseries Elizabeth. That one I've actually seen. Irons is wearing what appears to be his bathrobe, but my theory that British actors give the best speeches holds despite the fashion weirdness.
8:15 -- Tina Fey (she so cute! me so jealous!) and David Spade are out to present the award for the "least funny TV performance by an actress." "All of these women were not funny," quips Spade. For Best Actress in a TV Drama, Mr Goddess goes with the perky Grey's Anatomy lady and I go with the always reliable Mrs. Soprano. D'oh! Skunked again. The Winner is Kyra Sedgwick for The Closer, a show I've never seen. "I want to thank my amazing creator James Duff." At least that makes a change from thanking God.
8:23 -- Hey, I've figured it out. I don't think there is a host.
8:24 -- Painted Veil star Naomi Watts is out to present scenes from Babel. Sorry, but that one's got "homework movie" written all over it.
8:25 -- Renee Zelwegger-- hey is that Donald Trump? -- is out to introduce and salute the Hollywood Foreign Press. She drops a Golden Globes factoid on us: Clint Eastwood, Jack Nicholson, and Meryl Streep were nominated 30 years ago in the same categories they are nominated in tonight. Nicholson looks stunned.
8:28 -- Puff Daddy and Jessica Beihl and Jessica Beihl's ass present the award for Best for Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini-series, or Movie. We both go for the woman from Weeds, and we are all three of us losers! The winner is Emily Blunt for Gideon's Daughter. No idea what that is, but she was really good in the Devil Wears Prada. And my God does she has an amazing ass! Jessica Beihl better watch her back ... literally.
8:31 -- The cast of Heros is out to present the award for Best Actor in a TV Series Drama. My money's on House, and so is Mr. Goddess's. Woo hoo! That ups the tally to an amazing 2-1 in my favor. A mini standing "O" for Hugh. And another awesome speech from an Englishman. ""I know everyone says they have a wonderful crew and certainly that can't be the case. They can't all be wonderful. Somebody somewhere is working with a crew of drunken thieves. But it's not me. They smell of newly mowed grass."
8:35 -- A pregnant orange woman is interviewing Hillary Swank. And we're off to commercial.
8:40 -- Charlie Sheen is extremely proud to introduce Bobby (probably because his brother Emilio Estevez wrote and directed it). Too bad they don't give an award for great concepts badly executed.
8:42 -- Steve Carell is out to present the award in a brand new category, Best Animated Feature Film. Mr. Goddess is ... um, indisposed ... so no votes cast in this category. But the winner is Cars. "Animation is awesome! It's my life, people!" Let's here it for the geek boy.
8:45 -- Hooray! Joaquin Phoenix. The category Best Actress in Musical or Comedy is a no-brainer. The winner is Meryl Streep for Devil Wears Prada. The tally up here in the attic now stands at 3-2. Ooh, I like her dress. And I like her speech even more. "If you can't see The Queen, Little Children, Volver, Sherrybaby, or Notes on a Scandal, you need to go to your local theatre manager and ask why. It's amazing what you can get if you quietly, clearly and authoritatively demand it." Amen, sister. I may have to amend my British-actors-and-speeches rule to include British actors and Meryl Streep.
8:55 -- Ben Stiller (I'm one of the 14 people left in the country who hasn't seen Night at the Museum) presents "one of the few clips we can show on television" from Borat.
8:56 -- Salma Hayak presents the award for Best Mini-series or TV Movie. We both go for the only one we've actually seen and the winner is ... Elizabeth! That makes the score 4-3. Back to the action on stage, I think the writer is drunk.
8:59 -- Rachel Weiss is on to present the award for Best Supporting Actor in a Movie. Ben Affleck is looking pretty good in this new Beniffer incarnation. And look, there's Prince! He was hiding behind Eddie Murphy the whole time! I pick Eddie Murphy, Mr. Goddess picks Jack Nicholson (just cuz he wants to see him give a speech). And the winner is ... me! I mean, Eddie Murphy! Charlie Murphy's brother. It's now 5-3 to me.
9:07 -- Sarah Jessica Parker presents some devilishly diva-esque clips from The Devil Wears Prada.
9:08 -- Terrence Howard and Sienna Miller (I still don't really know who she is) present the award for Best Actor is TV Miniseries or Movie. I haven't heard of any of these productions, but I love Bill Nighy and he just won and I'm sure he'll give a great speech. Why? He's British! Plus he's wearing Michael Caine's glasses from 1979. (Mr. Goddess is off getting some cheese so the betting is temporarily suspended.)
9:10 -- For Best Actress in a TV Mini-series or Movie, the winner is Helen Mirren for Elizabeth. She's sure to give a great speech. Why? Because she's British! (Mr. Goddess is still getting cheese, but I want it on the record that I would have picked Helen Mirren for Elizabeth.)
9:17 -- Mr. Goddess is back with the cheese so the games can resume. Cameron Diaz dusted off her prom dress and dyed her hair black to present clips from The Departed. She looks like weird Goth wedding cake topper.
9:19 -- Jake Gynnelhaal and Hillary Swark are out to present the award for Best Screenplay. I've only seen The Queen, but we both pick The Departed. And the winner is ... The Queen. Arrgh. New rule .. always go with the only film you've seen. The writer gives the only political speech of the night, and he's the only guy who gets told to wrap up early. Hmmm ... coincidence?
9:21 -- Tim Allen and Vanessa Williams (she looks like one of Patti LaBelle's back-up singers) present the award for Best Actor in a TV Comedy. The winner is Alec Baldwin for another show I've never seen. We both strike out on Steve Carrell. Alec Baldwin's kind of the case study for how to age gracefully in Hollywood (if you're a guy). The fresh-faced action star of the Jack Ryan movies is now the rotund, red-faced star of 30 Rock. Nice.
9:28 -- Geena Davis (is she still on TV?) and James Woods present the award for Best TV Comedy. I went with head over heart and picked The Office, and the winner is ... Argh! Ugly Betty! I love that show! Cut to audience reaction shots from Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony who will be your Hispanics for the evening.
9:34 -- Jamie Foxx is out to present clips from Dreamgirls. Mr. Goddess's Dad just called from Scotland (where it's 2:35 in the morning; he must be up watching the Globes).
9:36 -- Djimon Hounsou and Sharon Stone are out to present the award for Best Foreign Language Film. Please, anyone but Mel Gibson, anyone but Mel Gibson. And the winner is... Clint Eastwood for Letters from Iwo Jima. I wonder if he speaks Japanese?
9:44 -- Jeremy Irons is still in his bathrobe, ready to present clips from the The Queen, and he's looking appropriately sozzled for the current stage in the evening's proceedings.
9:45 -- Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore recognize Prince, who was "stuck in traffic" earlier. Unlike Hugh's hair, which is just stuck. The award is Best original Score, and the only movie I've seen in this category is The DaVinci Code. The winner is the French guy for The Painted Veil.
9:48 -- It's getting late in the evening, time to bring out the B-list team -- Jennifer Love Hewitt and John Stamos. Best Actress in a TV Comedy. Yea! The winner is America Ferrara for Ugly Betty and she's already crying. Great speech; this girl is going to go far. Unlike the "sideline" reporter, who's a bit of a nightmare, asking Ferrara how she feels about the fact that nobody wanted her for the role. Classy.
9:58 -- Tom Hanks, hair still not recovered from The DaVinci Code, is out to present the lifetime achievement award to Warren Beatty, who hasn't made a movie in seven years. In 1962, Warren Beatty was named Most Promising Newcomer at the Golden Globes. I've never seen Shampoo, or Bonnie and Clyde, or Reds. I've never been a fan of the whole seventies anti-hero movies, and I admit there's a major Warren Beatty-sized gap in my cinematic education.
10:22 -- Dustin Hoffman out to present clips from Little Miss Sunshine. Love this movie. Love love love this movie.
10:23 -- Steven Spielberg is out to present the award for Best Director. I go with Oscar bridesmaid Martin Scorsese and Mr. Goddess picks Oscar darling Clint Eastwood. And in the winner is Martin Scorsese. For those of you keeping score at home, I'm now winning 6-3.
10:27 -- Reese Witherspoon is looking refreshingly Phillippe-free as she presents the award for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical. I went with muffin-headed Will Ferrell and Mr. Goddess goes with the longshot Sasha Baron Cohen, and the winner is Borat. Wow! The British actor gives ... guess what .. a great speech. That puts the score at 6-4.
10:36 -- Dane Cook (Dane Cook?) is out to present clips from Thank You For Smoking.
10:37 -- Jennifer Lopez (has she been in anything in, like, forever?) is out to present Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical. We both try to get fancy with this one: Mr. Goddess hopes that Borat is on a role, and I pick The Devil Wears Prada. But the winner is the obvious one ... Dreamgirls. Wow, they play him off pretty quickly. The Warren Beatty tribute must have killed the show's timeline.
10:42 -- There's still TV awards to give out? Jeez, we are running long. Courtney Cox and David Arquette present the award for Best TV Series Comedy. I go for Lost, Mr. Goddess for Grey's Anatomy. And the winner is Grey's Anatomy. I watched that show exactly once, and I lasted about 30 minutes. It's another win for Mr. Goddess. It's now 6-5.
10:45 -- Rochester's Own Philip Seymour Hoffman is out to present the award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama (what's up with the mustache, Philip? And the bad dye job? I hope it's for a role.) And the winner is Helen Mirren for The Queen. Helen makes history, as the first person to win awards for both TV and movie performances in the same year. We're now at 7-6. I hope I have such great boobs when I'm 62, Damn, I wish I had such great boobs now.
10:52 -- Felicity Huffman is out to present Best Actor in a Motion Picture and the winner is Forest Whittaker for The Last King of Scotland. Yea! We Both got that one. 8-7, still to me with one award left.
10:59 -- It's the big one, Best Motion Picture Drama. The Honorable Arnold Swarzenegger hobbles out to present the final award. I go for The Departed, Mr. Goddess picks The Queen. And the winner is ... Babel?! Where the hell did that come from? It hasn't won anything all night. Did Ah-nuld read the card right? Looks like I've got some homework to do before Oscar night.
11:03 -- Three minutes over; not bad. The final tally: 8-7 in favor of the Goddess.
—lori.
