goddess of clarity: a blog about politics, culture, and serenity

Archive: May 1 - May 31, 2007

May 31, 2007 —16:54 EDT

What do you get when you mix Bruce Campbell with Duran Duran? The Best. Commercial. Ever.

—lori.

May 29, 2007 —20:19 EDT

This year is the 50th anniversary of Helvetica, the simple, omnipresent, sans-serif font that's shown up everywhere from the New York City Subway system, IRS tax forms, and the Target logo. (Check out Slate's tribute to the typeface.) So in honor of this milestone, the goddess has tweaked her stylesheet to put all the headings in Helvetica. It's a small change, but it does freshen things up a little bit, I think.

Fonts are funny things. Monkeying around with them is a great way to waste time when you're trying to write. And who among us, out of late-night desperation, has not resorted to a bit of 12pt Verdana to turn a four-page paper into a five-page paper, as if by magic.

I can only write in one of two typefaces: Courier or Georgia. I've been in that rut for years, and I'm not sure why that is. I'm also mentally or physically incapable of writing in a sans-serif font. Those rounded, bubbly letters just don't seem writerly to me, I guess. My boss likes Garamond, so I'm trying to use that more at The Workplace, but I'm not convinced. I guess I'm just a Georgia gal.

—lori.

May 25, 2007 —13:09 EDT

It's graduation time again. Time to break out the floppy hats and the pomp and the circumstance. Mr. Goddess is lucky in that the academic regalia from his alma mater is not completely ridiculous looking (just slightly ridiculous looking). Check it out:

Very scholarly, yes?

There are many colleges and universities in the Rochester area. Mr. Goddess's school was first out of the commencement gates a couple weeks ago. My employer went last weekend. Today it's the Rochester Institute of Technology's turn, and all the other local schools are dying with jealousy because RIT scored themselves a pretty sweet commencement speaker: President Bill Clinton. We had ... Shirley Jackson. A lovely woman I'm sure, but I'd never heard of her before. Her speech used the example of the disappearing bee colonies to show how we are all interconnected (our university mascot is the Yellowjacket, you see.) Sadly, the speech fell a little flat since she spent the middle half of it explaning the complexities of the honeybee genome.

But I shouldn't pick on Dr. Jackson. It must be pretty hard delivering a commencement address in front of thousands of freshly minted graduates and their freshly cash-depleted parents, all eager to hear some words of inspiration and encouragement.

Of course, in an election year, the commencement circuit becomes a little busier, as candidates and politicians use their turn at the podium to inspire not just the graduating class, but hopefully prospective voters as well. Here's a rundown on some of the commencement speeches given during this most political of seasons:

President George W. Bush

U.S. Coast Guard Academy Graduation

With his 30% approval ratings, Bush can only turn up at military academies for fear of being booed off the stage. The Prez poked his usual bit of fun at his own less-than-sterling academic performance ("For the moms and dads, the Square Root Club is an association of students whose GPA is so low that when you take its square root, it grows larger. (Laughter.) Unfortunately, they didn't have that club where I went to college -- (laughter) -- perhaps you'll make me an honorary member.")

But after the opening jokes, Bush dropped a little knowledge on the graduates, in the form of some declassified intelligence claiming Osama bin Laden has been lining up al Qaeda operatives in Iraq for planned attacks in the United States. "Bin Laden tasked the terrorist Zarqawi ... with forming a cell to conduct terrorist attacks outside of Iraq," the president said. "Bin Laden emphasized that America should be Zarqawi's No. 1 priority." So, Congratulations Class of 2007! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

Dillard University, a historically black university in New Orleans

Graduation crowds practically did the wave as Clinton hammered the Bush administration for its pathetic response to Hurricane Katrina. She skipped town, though, before answering questions about her campaign's ties to the Jefferson Parish sherrif who has been accused of racial bias for barring New Orleans residents from crossing a bridge into Jefferson while fleeing the storm.

Rudy Giuliani

The Citadel, military college in South Carolina

America's Mayor mentioned "September 11th" 19 times in his 15-minute speech. That's one 9-11 reference a minute, with four thrown in at the end, in case you might not have heard it the first 15 times. 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11.

Barak Obama

Southern New Hampshire University

Wow, OK I just finished reading the transcript of Obama's address, and I confess I had kinda forgotten just how good this guy is at talking. Talk about inspiring; I graduated 14 years ago, and he makes me want to quit my job and take an unpaid internship at the World Peace and Happy Rainbow Puppy Foundation or something (but only for a second). If he means only half of what he says, and is capable of achieving even a quarter, perhaps this country isn't as screwed as I think it might be.

He even gets in a better opening joke than Dubya: "...there’s often an assumption on days like today that growing up is purely a function of age; that becoming an adult is an inevitable progression that can be measured by a series of milestones – college graduation or your first job or the first time you throw a party that actually has food too."

He even gets in a subtle dig at the Prez: "And yet, maturity does not come from any one occasion – it emerges as a quality of character. Because the fact is, I know a whole lot of thirty and forty and fifty year olds who have not yet put away childish things – who continually struggle to rise above the selfish or the petty or the small. We see this reflected in our country today.

Ouch! Take that President "C Student."

—lori.

May 16, 2007 —20:13 EDT

There are nineteen – count 'em, nineteen! – candidates currently running for president from the two major political parties. How many can you name? Match the picture with the candidate's name and "fun fact."

1.	A. Senator Joe Biden (D) – Dropped out of the 1988 presidential campaign when he was accused of plagerizing a speech from British Labour leader Neil Kinnock
2.	B. Senator Sam Brownback (R) – Raised Methodist, became an evangelical Christian, then converted to Catholicism.
3.	C. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D) – Was the first student in Wellesley College to deliver the commencement address, and received a seven minute standing ovation.
4.	D. John Cox, businessman (R) – Lost Republican primaries in Illinois for a House seat, then a Senate seat, and finally lost his race for Cook County Recorder of Deeds.
5.	E. Senator Christopher Dodd (D) – The Connecticut senator speaks fluent Spanish.
6.	F. John Edwards, former senator (D) – Father was a textile worker, mother was a mail carrier, and Edwards was the first in his family to go to college.
7.	G. Jim Gilmore, former governor of Virginia (R) – Has raised $174,790 so far this year, the lowest of all the Republican candidates.
8.	H. Mike Gravel, former senator (D) – Conducted a one-man filibuster in 1971 to stop the bill renewing the military draft.
9.	I. Rudy Guiliani, former mayor of New York (R) - In 2003, the USA Network aired a made-for-television movie Rudy: The Rudy Giuliani Story with James Woods in the title role.
10.	J. Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas (R) – Lost 110 pounds after being elected governor in 2003 and has since run the New York City marathon.
11.	K. Representative Duncan Hunter (R) – Introduced the Right to Life Act in Congress in 2005, which would "guarantee all constitutional rights and protections to each born and preborn human person" from the moment of conception.
12.	L. Representative Dennis Kucinich (D) – Kucinich has been married three times and is a vegan.
13.	M. Senator John McCain (R) – Was born in the Panama Canal Zone.
14.	N. Senator Barak Obama (D) – Mother was white, father was black, stepfather was Asian.
15.	O. Representative Ron Paul (R) – Has delivered more than 4,000 babies; Paul is an OB/GYN.
16.	P. Governor Bill Richardson (D) – Majored in French at Tufts University and married his high school sweetheart.
17.	Q. Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts (R) – A member of the Church of Latter-day Saints, and his great-grandfather had multiple wives.
18.	R. Representative Tom Tancredo (R) – Known for his views on immigration reform, he has called Miami a "third-world country."
19.	S. Tommy Thompson, former governor of Wisconsin (R) – Stated in a Republican primary debate that employers have the right to fire gay employees.

Answers:
1-S; 2-K; 3-F; 4-A; 5-O; 6-J; 7-M; 8-R; 9-H; 10-P; 11-N; 12-E; 13-B; 14-D; 15-G; 16-Q; 17-C; 18-L; 19-I

—lori.

May 11, 2007 —11:39 EDT

Tag! I'm it! The gleeful Alkelda has tagged me with this simple meme: What book am I reading?

Well, I'll tell you.

Just yesterday I started reading Adverbs by Daniel Handler. As Lemony Snicket, he writes the Series of Unfortunate Events books, which I love, but I've never read any of his grown-up fiction. So far I'm enjoying it immensely. The book is described as "a novel of love," and each chapter title is an adverb (obviously, briefly, particularly, etc.). I'm a sucker for a clever literary device.

I'm a sucker for Handler's writing, too. He's got this crazy-scat-jazz-stream-of-consciousness style that I love, plus he's hilarious. Here's a sample from the chapter "Obviously," about two teens working at their local boring cinemaplex:

...why am I working at the Sovereign? What is the money for? To buy flowers for Lila and give them to her. Keith? Honk honk honk, please come running out of the Cinemaplex doors and jump into the seat next to me where there are no flowers and I won't even tell you how nice you look, I bet. But my secret special kickass chivalry is tainted, obviously, by obviousness. And it's the obvious thing that it's not going to happen. Because there might be a suburb of Seattle where a girl says, "Oh my god! Flowers? You are chivalrous, Joe," and then I win and she doesn't care that Keith has one of those all-terrain things that will come in so handy when the world ends and we need a nine-thousand-cylinder engine to drive over the hordes of blood-thirsty mutants crawling all over the video-game landscape, or maybe there's a suburb of Seattle where Lila wouldn't care whether or not her chivalrous suitor was wearing a fucking WELCOME TO THE BIG SHOW! button on a red why-the-hell-is-it-fireproof Sovereign Cinemaplex vest which is sort of blocking the signals of that hungy heart of mine, and Lila and I drive around this other suburb of Seattle in a car that I take care of myself on weekends and tell each other a big bag of secrets we've been hiding underneath the beds our parents bought us, tossing and turning over its poky burlap creases and staring out the window screens at a spooky blue moon that is beaming down secret New York bus tickets of a grown-up love future, and then someplace where the sun is setting or rising she takes her top off, but I don't live in that suburb of Seattle. I live on Mercer Island, and here we just tear tickets and wait to watch her go home with Keith.

It's a bit exhausting, but also tasty and exhilirating.

I started reading Adverbs because on Wednesday I finished reading The Adventures of Robin Hood by Roger Lancelyn Green (unlike most of the other participants in this meme, I've never been able to read more than one book at a time). I've become seriously addicted to the new BBC America series Robin Hood, which puts a 21st century twist on the 13th century tale. It's a Robin Hood for today's teens, Robin Hood in a hoodie, Robin Hood for chavs: call it what you will.

I'm pretty sure Maid Marion never wore a knitted fuschia twin set and gaucho pants, and that Allin-a-Dale never said, "Get over, mate. I'm not bein' funny," but I don't care. There I sit, every Saturday night, watching in a state of total cheesed-out joy. The Sherriff of Nottingham has become a particular favorite of mine. In this incarnation he's played as a kind of evil bisexual fashion designer in silk pajama pants and flip-flops. More than once he's seen hatching some new diabolical scheme while painting his toe nails.

To continue my Robin Hood fix, I wanted to read a bit of the "real" legend to see how it differed from this new TV production. Turns out, as Green says, there is not much to go on when it comes to Robin Hood. Unlike King Arthur, for example, there is very little in the way of original source material about Robin, Marion, Little John, the Sherrif of Nottingham, and the rest: a couple of bawdy ballads and some cameo appearances in other better known works and that's about it.

There were a few different versions of the Robin Hood story to chose from at the local Barnes and Noble (in one rather disturbing children's book, Robin Hood becomes an outlaw after he murders a man just to prove that he can) and I went with the Green book because it seemed to be the most scholarly in its approach. Green sticks to the more conventional origin myth of Robin Hood as a wronged Anglo Saxon noble, cheated out of his lands by the nasty Normans.

The main difference between the book and the BBC incarnation, besides the updated fashion sense, is the level of violence. In the book, Robin Hood and his Merry Men kill people left and right. On TV, Robin Hood goes out of his way to be nonviolent and tolerant. The band of outlaws even includes a Muslim woman. So far nearly every episode has featured several not-so-subtle references to the current political situation, with the Crusades filling in for the current Iraq War. My favorite character, Much, suffers from a form of medieval post-traumatic stress disorder. This is a kinder, gentler Robin Hood. A caring, sharing Robin Hood for the new millenium. Which is what all myths and legends are, I suppose: the reason they survive the centuries is because they are open to whatever retelling each new generation may require, and yet they stay essentially true.

Except, perhaps, for the 1980s Robin of Sherwood TV version Mr. Goddess insisted we rent from Netflix for comparison sake. That one was rubbish.

—lori.

May 8, 2007 —21:15 EDT

Quote of the evening from Mr. Goddess:

I didn't buy any tools today.

Because lately any day without a tool purchase is worthy of note.

—lori.